Famous by Langdon Kate

Author:Langdon, Kate [Langdon, Kate]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2013-12-12T08:00:00+00:00

So, the following Saturday morning, after yet another long stretch of solitary confinement, and yet again being chased by a convoy of paparazzi, I found myself sitting in Dr Hall’s waiting room once more, flanked on either side by an uncharacteristically sombre Mands and Lizzie. Minutes away from going under the knife.

‘Are you sure you want to do this, sweets?’ asked Lizzie for the hundredth time that morning.

‘Yes,’ I replied, also for the hundredth time.

‘You don’t have to you know,’ repeated Mands. ‘It’ll all blow over soon dolls.’

‘Like hell it will,’ I replied. I didn’t think the media were ever going to let me have my old life back.

At that very moment a woman walked out into the waiting room with an enormous white bandage covering ninety per cent of her face, looking for all the world like a new-aged Tutankhamen. Mands and Lizzie glanced across me at each other, and then both looked at me.

‘Don’t,’ I pleaded, and they promptly looked back down at their magazines.

Five minutes later another woman walked through the front doors and into the waiting room. I made the mistake of glancing up at her. I wasn’t alone. It is difficult to describe exactly what she looked like, except to say that it wasn’t human. The first thing that hit me was her lips. They were like two giant Swiss sausages that had been crudely stapled to her chin, and then stung by a thousand bees. They were ginormous and covered at least half of her face. So big they were unable to close. So big they appeared to have a life of their own. So big they would need to rent their own apartment.

I looked across at Mands and Lizzie, who were both staring at the woman, jaws precariously close to the floor.

‘Oh. My. God,’ whispered Lizzie.

‘He had absolutely nothing to do with this,’ whispered back Mands.

I looked at the woman’s eyes. They had been lifted so far up that they were now sitting on her forehead.

My eyes were in a state of utter shock and had gone all fuzzy, but still they kept peeling back to her. It was like watching a succession of train wrecks, I knew what was going to happen but I just couldn’t bring myself to look away.

‘I’ve never seen a set of walking lips,’ hissed Mands.

I glanced down at the woman’s breasts, which sat just below her chin, like two bobbing balloons. They were enormous. Mands and Lizzie were now also blatantly staring at the woman’s breasts.

What else could this woman possibly be in here for? I wondered. There was not one part of her being that had not been lifted up or blown up. What else was left to do? I could not take my eyes off her.

Ohmygod! I thought to myself. I bet she started with a little nose job and eyelift too. I bet she only wanted to change her appearance, just slightly, and look what happened. She’d been unable to stop herself. Sweet Jesus!

‘I can’t do this!’ I wailed, throwing my hands over my face.

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